What is it like to battle an eating disorder?

If you or one of your friends or family members is struggling with an eating disorder this is a must read. One of my clients wrote a beautiful poem that articulates the harsh dark side of the struggles of her bulimia but also her dreams of the bright side as she does the work to get healthier. She describes writing “the dark side” easily in a short time but agonizing over the “bright side” as these words take longer and are harder to come. I am sure most of the clients I have worked with that are overcoming anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder would agree.

I am honoured to work with such an amazing, insightful woman. Here is her poem:

THE DARK SIDE

Empty and hollow
Feeling nothing but numb
Grasping desperately to anything
Because she’s stupid and dumb
Lying and scheming
Doing whatever it takes
She lacks any willpower
The fullness immediately aches
Sneaking and hiding
The pie a la mode
She’s fat and disgusting
her body about to explode
Panic and terror
Consume her whole mind
Her quest for relief
Keeps her cruel and unkind.
Purging and panting
Sprawled out on her floor
A second of freedom
While she rots to the core
Sadness and shame
Follow the ritual act
She’s a weak guilty loser
With her soul hardly intact
Conviction and strength
Promised for the next day
But when tomorrow arrives
Her vicious cycle will replay
Acceptance and love
Must be urgently found
If this failure doesn’t get it
I’ll bury her under ground

THE BRIGHT SIDE

Full and complete
Feeling more than alive
She’s smart and intelligent
With the will to survive
Honest and upfront
Can be difficult to be
Improving her habits
Feeling open and free
Positive and secure
With her dinner plate
She’s healthy and happy
Less focused on weight.
Calm and relieved
The obsession is gone
Friends able to see her
As a girl to depend on
Laughing and joking
Are back in her life
She’s a committed mother
And an appreciative wife
Pride and respect
Ensure she gives back
Her spirit now found
And her heart isn’t black
Patience and reason
Help with bumps in the road
Reactions are minimal
Her worry now slowed
Acceptance and love
They fuel and drive her
To live a remarkable life
As a grateful survivor