What is it like to battle an eating disorder?

by Andrea Holwegner | Apr 23, 2013

If you or one of your friends or family members is struggling with an eating disorder this is a must read. One of my clients wrote a beautiful poem that articulates the harsh dark side of the struggles of her bulimia but also her dreams of the bright side as she does the work to get healthier. She describes writing “the dark side” easily in a short time but agonizing over the “bright side” as these words take longer and are harder to come. I am sure most of the clients I have worked with that are overcoming anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder would agree.

I am honoured to work with such an amazing, insightful woman. Here is her poem:

THE DARK SIDE

Empty and hollow
Feeling nothing but numb
Grasping desperately to anything
Because she’s stupid and dumb
Lying and scheming
Doing whatever it takes
She lacks any willpower
The fullness immediately aches
Sneaking and hiding
The pie a la mode
She’s fat and disgusting
her body about to explode
Panic and terror
Consume her whole mind
Her quest for relief
Keeps her cruel and unkind.
Purging and panting
Sprawled out on her floor
A second of freedom
While she rots to the core
Sadness and shame
Follow the ritual act
She’s a weak guilty loser
With her soul hardly intact
Conviction and strength
Promised for the next day
But when tomorrow arrives
Her vicious cycle will replay
Acceptance and love
Must be urgently found
If this failure doesn’t get it
I’ll bury her under ground

THE BRIGHT SIDE

Full and complete
Feeling more than alive
She’s smart and intelligent
With the will to survive
Honest and upfront
Can be difficult to be
Improving her habits
Feeling open and free
Positive and secure
With her dinner plate
She’s healthy and happy
Less focused on weight.
Calm and relieved
The obsession is gone
Friends able to see her
As a girl to depend on
Laughing and joking
Are back in her life
She’s a committed mother
And an appreciative wife
Pride and respect
Ensure she gives back
Her spirit now found
And her heart isn’t black
Patience and reason
Help with bumps in the road
Reactions are minimal
Her worry now slowed
Acceptance and love
They fuel and drive her
To live a remarkable life
As a grateful survivor

Andrea Holwegner

About Andrea Holwegner

CEO, Registered Dietitian, Counseling Practice Director & Professional Speaker

Andrea the «Chocoholic Nutritionist» is founder and CEO of Health Stand Nutrition Consulting Inc. since 2000. She is an online nutrition course creator, professional speaker and regular guest in the media. Andrea is the recipient of an award by the Dietitians of Canada: The Speaking of Food & Healthy Living Award for Excellence in Consumer Education....Read more

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"I am a psychologist in private practice and it is very important to me that my clients have the best care with other health care professionals. For that reason Health Stand Nutrition is my only source for exceptional Dietitians. Andrea and her team provide highly knowledgeable, compassionate, and real world support to my clients who require assistance with food lifestyle. I trust my clients to them and you would be in excellent hands making them part of your health care team."

Adele Fox, Psychologist

“This is the first time I feel satisfied; my cravings have diminished dramatically and I have a whole new relationship with food. I am eating guilt-free for the first time in my life. My energy has also dramatically increased and I feel great!”

Rhonda Jenkins, Nutrition Counseling Client

“The Dieticians at Health Stand Nutrition help you to take action on the science behind eating well by making it practical, understandable, and fun. Their office is cozy and not at all clinical or intimidating. I felt like I was sitting down with a really smart, caring friend who wanted to help me make the best choices for my lifestyle and food preferences. They really are the best in the business.”

Marty Avery, Nutrition Counseling Client

“I have come to think of the program as a one stop shopping excursion for everything one needs to know about creating a joyous relationship with food and our bodies. In a single word, the course has gifted me with freedom from the punishing rigidity of disordered eating, old stories that never were true, and body dysmorphia that did nothing but make me lose sight of a body that has done everything I've asked, despite my careless dismissal of her needs. Now when I look in the mirror I find myself shifting from harsh criticism to gentle gratitude.”

Lynn Haley, Pursuit of Healthiness Online Course Participant

“I spent 3 hours when first diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I learned more from my Dietitian about food in those 3 hours than I had learned in all the years of my life. I also love the newsletter, there is always something to learn.”

Peter Whitehead, Nutrition Counseling Client

“I didn’t realize how strong my “diet mentality” was, and all the rules I had in my head about food. I was in a cycle of reward/punish/binge/cringe. I booked with your business very reluctantly, on the repeated advice of my doctor, to get my slowly rising cholesterol levels in check. I thought I knew everything about food, and my behaviour with food, but I was definitely re-schooled. My weight is creeping down, I feel good about my diet, exercise, body image, and lifestyle.”

Amy Floyd, Nutrition Counseling Client

“Thanks Andrea for an amazing presentation, I have heard all positive remarks from attendees and the evaluations show the same sentiment. It is really gratifying when a speaker does their “homework” and weaves in our profession’s day to day challenges within their content, you did an awesome job of this! You truly took the “die” out of Dietician! Your information on healthy eating and simplifying how we can work towards this as we are all so busy really hit the mark. Andrea connects very well with her audience; she is energetic, funny, and very approachable.”

Carole Ann LaGrange, Transfusion Medicine Safety Officer

Event Planner for Laboratory Diagnostic Imaging Annual Event

“I am a family physician who sees patients with a myriad of eating concerns – from wanting to know how to plan healthy meals for active families, to weight loss, to eating disorders, and so on. I cannot recommend the Health Stand team highly enough. I have worked with (and been to!) other Dieticians in the past and too often find that they just ask for food logs and make suggestions that are easily obtained online or in books. The Dieticians at Health Stand offer much more than just telling clients what they “should be eating.” In contrast, the team really does more of a counselling practice, and they work hard to help their clients learn more about why their eating habits may be off track and not optimal for them, as well as helping people to effect change at a deep level that, most importantly, is sustainable for lifetime health.”

Dr. Deb Putnam, Family Physician

Nutrition Counseling Client & Referring Physician

“I am a busy mom, with kids in high level sports, working full-time downtown, and running our home acreage outside the City. I now have the knowledge and tools I need to plan for and manage the chaos of meal planning.”

Gillian Gray, Pursuit of Healthiness Online Course Participant

“As a construction company, we select speakers who can relate to our industry and its employees. Andrea’s message was delivered with humor and empathy. She makes people feel as though they can make changes without leaving behind every favorite food. Andrea focused her presentation on healthy eating as a way to keep energy high throughout the day. This message and the way it was delivered resonated with our predominantly male, blue collar culture. I would highly recommend Andrea as a speaker for groups such as ours. She will get your message across without alienating anyone in your audience – which is a huge hurdle when trying to introduce a wellness program in the workplace!”

Stephanie Wood, HR and Safety Manager

Fisher Construction Group, Burlington, WA

“I found my Dietitian warm, funny, and skilled at teaching nutrition concepts without the overwhelm. The general approach of each session was to mix science with emotion, which was exceedingly effective in helping me shift my perspective on food from one of anxiety to one of joy and curiosity.”

Erin Kronstedt, Nutrition Counseling Client

“Excellent presentation! What a refreshing change to have a speaker inspire rather than “lecture” about nutrition. Your captivating stories, tips and overall approach to healthy eating uplifts and puts people at ease. It was great to hear we don’t need to strive to be perfect eaters, and that small changes really can make a difference in how we feel and in our health. Thanks to Andrea, we have solutions to our everyday nutrition challenges that can actually work in real life!”

Tina Tamagi, Human Resources

ARC Resources Ltd.

“Had I not joined this course I would have struggled with no focus, low energy, and mindless eating. Excellent teaching and motivation. This is not just a course, it is a nutrition club with mentorship, support, and connections with other people with similar situations.”

Lorri Lawrence, Pursuit of Healthiness online course participant

What is it like to battle an eating disorder?

Andrea Holwegner

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