fbpx

Are your meals a time of Connection or Dysfunction?
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Connection:food and Ellyn Satter quote

This post appeared originally on FaithFul Eating

Food is much more than nourishment. Sharing food is also about human connection. Some of my favourite memories are sharing meals with friends and family.

Like many families we have a very busy schedule with my husband’s irregular working hours and my boy’s swimming schedule so mealtimes are not always shared. However, knowing the importance of family mealtime I take advantage of every opportunity we can to sit down and eat together. While eating, I have my children’s attention and can ask them about their school day or activities. Sometimes it’s a slow start but funny thing once one son starts sharing about their day, the other two typically want to share too. They often use the term “Breaking news” when they want to share something about their day as small as “what girl likes what boy” or “who got in trouble” (it’s never them – eyeroll).

Research has shown that simply sitting down at the kitchen table and sharing family meals has a positive impact on children and teenager’s development. Children and teens that eat regular meals with their family have been shown to have improved food choices, better nutrient intakes, lower eating disorder risk, better social adjustment and improved school performance. Teens specifically involved in meal preparation have also been shown to have improved vegetable and fruit intake.

I believe that sharing meals for adults (with or without children) is equally important. Personally I cherish the meals I get to share with my girlfriends, family friends, and coworkers. It is a time to try new restaurants or experience new cuisine (that may be a bit too adventurous for my children). More than that, it is a time to catch up, de-stress with laughter, get advice and possibly vent. For many adults it provides a sense of belonging and community. It allows us time to fulfill our desire to be heard, understood and affirmed in who we are.

Dysfunction:

The following are 3 mealtime struggles I commonly see in my practice:

1. Child Food Fights.

Mealtime should not be a regular battleground of tension, struggle and fighting. Not uncommon to many families is the power struggle between parents and young children over food. Whether the concern is picky eating, eating too much/too little, etc. If this is happening at your table, you may need to evaluate or seek guidance on changing your approach to childhood feeding. Mealtime should be a calm and comfortable environment for children without pressure from grownups. For example, meals should be a time where kids can feel free to try or not try new foods and finish or not finish everything on their plate. “When the joy goes out of eating, nutrition suffers.” -Ellyn Satter (Childhood feeding expert, Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Family Therapist)

2. Dieting Disruption.

When a parent(s) is dieting it disrupts the unity and enjoyment of sharing the meal. I’m not talking simply cutting down portions but eating in a totally different way than the rest of the family or eating at a different time. Others will have a list of “food rules” of what they can or cannot eat. With chronic dieting “You have forgotten what you really like to eat and instead eat what you think you should eat.” -Evelyn Tribole (Intuitive Eating: A revolutionary program that works) A dieting parent may never eat dessert or call themselves “bad” when they do. Children have watchful eyes and ears that pick up on parental behaviours. This can lead children to question their own food choices and whether “they need to lose weight or diet too”. Just like in many other areas of life, children need their parents to be role models with eating. Instead of dieting focus on healthy behaviours that can benefit the whole family. For example, focus on balancing the family meal better by offering more vegetable options.

3. Eating Disorder Destruction.

Nothing breaks my heart more than seeing eating disorders rip families apart. A family member so ill with their eating disorder that mealtime becomes a battleground of control and frustration. The individual may be so overwhelmed with anxiety and fear that they basically “shut down” at the table. For some people struggling with an eating disorder, their fears of eating around others or eating food that they did not prepare becomes so terrifying that they socially isolate themselves from friends, colleagues and their own family. They miss birthday parties, BBQ’s, holiday celebrations, school and/or work events. For single people, they may avoid dating and meeting new people for fear that food may be involved. Eating disorders are serious mental illnesses that destroy the natural human connection fostered at mealtime and instead create a disconnect and isolation from others. If you suspect you or your loved one has an eating disorder – reach out for help right away. The sooner a person receives support and treatment for an eating disorder, the better the recovery outcomes.

 

Links to useful resources:

Eating Disorders: http://www.nedic.ca

Freedom from Chronic Dieting: http://www.intuitiveeating.org

Childhood Feeding: http://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org

*Seek support if you or your family is experiencing struggles at mealtime.  Look for a Registered Dietitian and therapist that specializes in your area of concern.

 

Health Stand Nutrition offers support for individuals and families strugging with mealtime issues, contact us about a Nutritional Counselling program if these struggles sound familiar in your home.

 
 
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

As seen in

  •  

Success stories

"I am a psychologist in private practice and it is very important to me that my clients have the best care with other health care professionals. For that reason Health Stand Nutrition is my only source for exceptional Dietitians. Andrea and her team provide highly knowledgeable, compassionate, and real world support to my clients who require assistance with food lifestyle. I trust my clients to them and you would be in excellent hands making them part of your health care team."
Adele Fox, Psychologist
“This is the first time I feel satisfied; my cravings have diminished dramatically and I have a whole new relationship with food. I am eating guilt-free for the first time in my life. My energy has also dramatically increased and I feel great!
Rhonda Jenkins, Nutrition Counseling Client
“The Dieticians at Health Stand Nutrition help you to take action on the science behind eating well by making it practical, understandable, and fun. Their office is cozy and not at all clinical or intimidating. I felt like I was sitting down with a really smart, caring friend who wanted to help me make the best choices for my lifestyle and food preferences. They really are the best in the business.”
Marty Avery, Nutrition Counseling Client
“I have come to think of the program as a one stop shopping excursion for everything one needs to know about creating a joyous relationship with food and our bodies. In a single word, the course has gifted me with freedom from the punishing rigidity of disordered eating, old stories that never were true, and body dysmorphia that did nothing but make me lose sight of a body that has done everything I've asked, despite my careless dismissal of her needs. Now when I look in the mirror I find myself shifting from harsh criticism to gentle gratitude.”
Lynn Haley, Pursuit of Healthiness Online Course Participant
“I spent 3 hours when first diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I learned more from my Dietitian about food in those 3 hours than I had learned in all the years of my life. I also love the newsletter, there is always something to learn.”
Peter Whitehead, Nutrition Counseling Client
“I didn’t realize how strong my “diet mentality” was, and all the rules I had in my head about food. I was in a cycle of reward/punish/binge/cringe. I booked with your business very reluctantly, on the repeated advice of my doctor, to get my slowly rising cholesterol levels in check. I thought I knew everything about food, and my behaviour with food, but I was definitely re-schooled. My weight is creeping down, I feel good about my diet, exercise, body image, and lifestyle.”
Amy Floyd, Nutrition Counseling Client
“Thanks Andrea for an amazing presentation, I have heard all positive remarks from attendees and the evaluations show the same sentiment. It is really gratifying when a speaker does their “homework” and weaves in our profession’s day to day challenges within their content, you did an awesome job of this! You truly took the “die” out of Dietician! Your information on healthy eating and simplifying how we can work towards this as we are all so busy really hit the mark. Andrea connects very well with her audience; she is energetic, funny, and very approachable.”
Carole Ann LaGrange, Transfusion Medicine Safety Officer

Event Planner for Laboratory Diagnostic Imaging Annual Event

I am a family physician who sees patients with a myriad of eating concerns – from wanting to know how to plan healthy meals for active families, to weight loss, to eating disorders, and so on. I cannot recommend the Health Stand team highly enough. I have worked with (and been to!) other Dieticians in the past and too often find that they just ask for food logs and make suggestions that are easily obtained online or in books. The Dieticians at Health Stand offer much more than just telling clients what they “should be eating.” In contrast, the team really does more of a counselling practice, and they work hard to help their clients learn more about why their eating habits may be off track and not optimal for them, as well as helping people to effect change at a deep level that, most importantly, is sustainable for lifetime health.”
Dr. Deb Putnam, Family Physician

Nutrition Counseling Client & Referring Physician

“I am a busy mom, with kids in high level sports, working full-time downtown, and running our home acreage outside the City. I now have the knowledge and tools I need to plan for and manage the chaos of meal planning.”
Gillian Gray, Pursuit of Healthiness Online Course Participant
“As a construction company, we select speakers who can relate to our industry and its employees. Andrea’s message was delivered with humor and empathy. She makes people feel as though they can make changes without leaving behind every favorite food. Andrea focused her presentation on healthy eating as a way to keep energy high throughout the day. This message and the way it was delivered resonated with our predominantly male, blue collar culture. I would highly recommend Andrea as a speaker for groups such as ours. She will get your message across without alienating anyone in your audience – which is a huge hurdle when trying to introduce a wellness program in the workplace!”
Stephanie Wood, HR and Safety Manager

Fisher Construction Group, Burlington, WA

I found my Dietitian warm, funny, and skilled at teaching nutrition concepts without the overwhelm. The general approach of each session was to mix science with emotion, which was exceedingly effective in helping me shift my perspective on food from one of anxiety to one of joy and curiosity.”
Erin Kronstedt, Nutrition Counseling Client
“Excellent presentation! What a refreshing change to have a speaker inspire rather than “lecture” about nutrition. Your captivating stories, tips and overall approach to healthy eating uplifts and puts people at ease. It was great to hear we don’t need to strive to be perfect eaters, and that small changes really can make a difference in how we feel and in our health. Thanks to Andrea, we have solutions to our everyday nutrition challenges that can actually work in real life!”
Tina Tamagi, Human Resources

ARC Resources Ltd.

“Had I not joined this course I would have struggled with no focus, low energy, and mindless eating. Excellent teaching and motivation. This is not just a course, it is a nutrition club with mentorship, support, and connections with other people with similar situations.”
Lorri Lawrence, Pursuit of Healthiness online course participant

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This