fbpx

10 Tips for Back to School Anxiety
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Helping Kids Manage Worries with COVID-19 and More

 

Guest post by Dr. Caroline Buzamko, Licensed Psychologist & Clinical Director of Koru Family Psychology

 

Young girl sitting on ourdoor stairs looking worriedAre your kids experiencing back to school anxiety? While some kids will feel excited to go back to school, many will experience some back-to-school jitters. Worrying about who their teacher will be, if their friends will be in their class, or if they will have someone to sit with at lunch. These worries are a normal part of growing up, whether they are starting kindergarten or moving into high school. Some though may be completely overwhelmed thinking about having to go back to school. To add to the back-to-school stress, we are in a unique situation this year with COVID-19 and there is a lot of anxiety for adults and kids alike.

Tips for Kids With Back to School Anxiety

 

Here are ten of the most important things you need to know to help kids manage back to school anxiety and make their transition as successful as possible. 

 

1. Empathize and validate vs. minimize

COVID-19 has affected the world over, including our kids. Going back to school is going to raise a multitude of emotions from excitement to fear (which can often manifest as anger). To be helpful, we need to empathize, which means first listening to ensure they feel heard and understood. Even if they say the most irrational things, validate that their experience is true for them. When you do, they can get unstuck from worries and shift gears to cope with worries. Minimizing how they feel will only keep them stuck and, worse, teach them you do not care about how they feel.

 

2. Normalize vs. eliminate

As parents, we hate seeing our kids struggle. But is not helpful to try and eliminate any negative feelings our kids experience. Our kids are going to experience a myriad of situations throughout their lives that are going to cause grief, joy, disappointment, and anger. They need to learn to understand their feelings, how to express them, and how to manage them effectively to develop the self-confidence and resilience they need in life. 

It is far better to normalize their emotions. Saying things like, “Of course you feel nervous going back to school! That makes sense – it has been six months since you have been there. That’s a long time!” Their worries make sense. Normalizing anxiety helps make it less scary. 

 

3. Problem solve vs. reassure

After listening and validating, turn to problem solving. Avoid the trap of reassuring your kids that “everything is going to be okay.” Doing so negates all the validating you have just done, minimizes your child’s fears, makes anxiety worse, and creates dependency. Kids will constantly seek more and more reassurance rather than learning to cope with their anxiety themselves. 

Your role is that of a supportive coach in which you can ask things like, “What can you do about that?” Or “What do you think is the best way to handle this situation?” Rather than creating dependency on us to help them out, they can start to develop their own brain connections to work through challenges themselves. 

 

4. Allow them to self-soothe vs. tell them to calm

Similarly, kids need to learn to self-soothe versus us telling them how to calm down all the time. They will become dependent on you and never build the brain connections to learn how to do it effectively themselves. As they move into teen years, they turn to substances for comfort them, which can often persist into adulthood. 

Now I am not saying do not ever jump in to support your kids! Yes, give them a hug when they are upset. What gets in the way is us talking too much. Talk less and touch more. Hold your kids as they cry. But keep quiet. And give them space rather than telling them what to do all the time.

 

5. Tolerate vs. comfort

No matter how much we try, we can never be 100% prepared for what does happen in any given situation. There are always going to be things we never thought about or that are out of our control. Same with life. 

 

And, anxiety is still there – we can never make it go away completely. If we try to comfort our kids, their anxiety will be stronger. And they will easily get caught in the trap of rumination and seek more and more comfort. Kids need to learn to tolerate anxiety and the discomfort it brings. When they learn to tolerate it and sit with it, they realize that anxiety is temporary! This feeling will pass! And it was not that bad! And I can do it again! Kids who can acknowledge and tolerate anxiety when it shows up become stronger and more resilient over time.

 

6. Face anxiety vs. avoid it

Kids typically want to avoid anything that causes anxiety. Although escaping helps relieve worries in the moment, it only makes anxiety stronger. And makes it harder to overcome the next time. Kids will also develop anticipatory anxiety, in which they overestimate something bad is going to happen and misinterpret the situation even more out of proportion the next time. 

 

7. Get Buy-in

Being brave can cause a lot of discomfort. Therefore, it is crucial that kids believe being brave is a good thing. Not just because we said so because the discomfort anxiety causes is not worth it. For some kids, the outcome of whatever it is they need to do is enough for them to be brave. For example, they are willing to be brave so that they can have a successful sleepover. Others might need a little extra incentive though. Perhaps going to school and introducing themselves to their teacher so they can then have a special playdate with a friend. 

 

8. Get practicing!

To make the transition back to school as successful as possible, it is essential your kids start doing brave things every day now. They need as many opportunities as they can to develop confidence that they can handle life’s glitches. What are things they are avoiding now? What are things you are doing they could be doing for themselves? What are they worried about going back to school? Start practicing whatever you can. For example, if they have to walk to school on their own, have them practice now. If they must wake up on their own, have them practice using an alarm clock now (this is good for all kids to become more independent anyway). 

 

9. Focus on excitement vs. worries

helping kids manage worries with covid 19 and more

Our brain is wired to anticipate all the things that can go wrong, so it is easy to get stuck in “what if’s.” Focus on what kids can look forward to when they go back to school – there are a lot of things to get excited about. New school outfits. Seeing friends. Seeing favourite teachers. Have your kids start to identify things they can get excited about. You can also schedule things for them to look forward to – even a first day of school dinner celebration – to help build that excitement. 

 

10. Be a positive role model

We are our kids’ greatest teachers. From the time they are born, our kids are always watching our reactions to various situations. And kids often develop anxiety after watching their parents’ own anxious behaviours. We need to model being brave, being flexible, and coping effectively when we are stressed or anxious. Doing so helps normalize anxiety because our kids realize they are not alone and helps them discover ways they can handle their own stressful situations effectively.

 

In front of your kids, whenever a stressful situation comes up, identify the problem, work to assess the situation in an objective and realistic way (since stress and worries like to take everything out of proportion), model your problem-solving process, and tell them how you are going to address the situation. Better yet, ask for their input for ideas – doing so will empower them while also building their problem-solving brain.

Looking for more tips on managing back to school anxiety and mental health in your family?

 

Download a copy of my free eBook:  Cover of eBook 15 anxiety busting tops for parents
15 Critical Anxiety Busting Tips for Parents

 

You may also want to check out my previous article on the Health Stand Nutrition blog: 
Building Family Resilience Through COVID and Beyond

 

head shot of Doctor Caroline Buzanko

Dr. Caroline Buzanko is a licensed psychologist and clinical director of Koru Family Psychology. She has worked with children and their families for over 20 years, with a focus on maximizing connection, confidence, and resilience. She facilitates groups and workshops across North America to promote health and well-being among families and is an Adjunct Assistant Professor at the University of Calgary.  For more information visit: http://drcarolinebuzanko.com/ 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

As seen in

  •  

Success stories

"I am a psychologist in private practice and it is very important to me that my clients have the best care with other health care professionals. For that reason Health Stand Nutrition is my only source for exceptional Dietitians. Andrea and her team provide highly knowledgeable, compassionate, and real world support to my clients who require assistance with food lifestyle. I trust my clients to them and you would be in excellent hands making them part of your health care team."
Adele Fox, Psychologist
“This is the first time I feel satisfied; my cravings have diminished dramatically and I have a whole new relationship with food. I am eating guilt-free for the first time in my life. My energy has also dramatically increased and I feel great!
Rhonda Jenkins, Nutrition Counseling Client
“The Dieticians at Health Stand Nutrition help you to take action on the science behind eating well by making it practical, understandable, and fun. Their office is cozy and not at all clinical or intimidating. I felt like I was sitting down with a really smart, caring friend who wanted to help me make the best choices for my lifestyle and food preferences. They really are the best in the business.”
Marty Avery, Nutrition Counseling Client
“I have come to think of the program as a one stop shopping excursion for everything one needs to know about creating a joyous relationship with food and our bodies. In a single word, the course has gifted me with freedom from the punishing rigidity of disordered eating, old stories that never were true, and body dysmorphia that did nothing but make me lose sight of a body that has done everything I've asked, despite my careless dismissal of her needs. Now when I look in the mirror I find myself shifting from harsh criticism to gentle gratitude.”
Lynn Haley, Pursuit of Healthiness Online Course Participant
“I spent 3 hours when first diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I learned more from my Dietitian about food in those 3 hours than I had learned in all the years of my life. I also love the newsletter, there is always something to learn.”
Peter Whitehead, Nutrition Counseling Client
“I didn’t realize how strong my “diet mentality” was, and all the rules I had in my head about food. I was in a cycle of reward/punish/binge/cringe. I booked with your business very reluctantly, on the repeated advice of my doctor, to get my slowly rising cholesterol levels in check. I thought I knew everything about food, and my behaviour with food, but I was definitely re-schooled. My weight is creeping down, I feel good about my diet, exercise, body image, and lifestyle.”
Amy Floyd, Nutrition Counseling Client
“Thanks Andrea for an amazing presentation, I have heard all positive remarks from attendees and the evaluations show the same sentiment. It is really gratifying when a speaker does their “homework” and weaves in our profession’s day to day challenges within their content, you did an awesome job of this! You truly took the “die” out of Dietician! Your information on healthy eating and simplifying how we can work towards this as we are all so busy really hit the mark. Andrea connects very well with her audience; she is energetic, funny, and very approachable.”
Carole Ann LaGrange, Transfusion Medicine Safety Officer

Event Planner for Laboratory Diagnostic Imaging Annual Event

I am a family physician who sees patients with a myriad of eating concerns – from wanting to know how to plan healthy meals for active families, to weight loss, to eating disorders, and so on. I cannot recommend the Health Stand team highly enough. I have worked with (and been to!) other Dieticians in the past and too often find that they just ask for food logs and make suggestions that are easily obtained online or in books. The Dieticians at Health Stand offer much more than just telling clients what they “should be eating.” In contrast, the team really does more of a counselling practice, and they work hard to help their clients learn more about why their eating habits may be off track and not optimal for them, as well as helping people to effect change at a deep level that, most importantly, is sustainable for lifetime health.”
Dr. Deb Putnam, Family Physician

Nutrition Counseling Client & Referring Physician

“I am a busy mom, with kids in high level sports, working full-time downtown, and running our home acreage outside the City. I now have the knowledge and tools I need to plan for and manage the chaos of meal planning.”
Gillian Gray, Pursuit of Healthiness Online Course Participant
“As a construction company, we select speakers who can relate to our industry and its employees. Andrea’s message was delivered with humor and empathy. She makes people feel as though they can make changes without leaving behind every favorite food. Andrea focused her presentation on healthy eating as a way to keep energy high throughout the day. This message and the way it was delivered resonated with our predominantly male, blue collar culture. I would highly recommend Andrea as a speaker for groups such as ours. She will get your message across without alienating anyone in your audience – which is a huge hurdle when trying to introduce a wellness program in the workplace!”
Stephanie Wood, HR and Safety Manager

Fisher Construction Group, Burlington, WA

I found my Dietitian warm, funny, and skilled at teaching nutrition concepts without the overwhelm. The general approach of each session was to mix science with emotion, which was exceedingly effective in helping me shift my perspective on food from one of anxiety to one of joy and curiosity.”
Erin Kronstedt, Nutrition Counseling Client
“Excellent presentation! What a refreshing change to have a speaker inspire rather than “lecture” about nutrition. Your captivating stories, tips and overall approach to healthy eating uplifts and puts people at ease. It was great to hear we don’t need to strive to be perfect eaters, and that small changes really can make a difference in how we feel and in our health. Thanks to Andrea, we have solutions to our everyday nutrition challenges that can actually work in real life!”
Tina Tamagi, Human Resources

ARC Resources Ltd.

“Had I not joined this course I would have struggled with no focus, low energy, and mindless eating. Excellent teaching and motivation. This is not just a course, it is a nutrition club with mentorship, support, and connections with other people with similar situations.”
Lorri Lawrence, Pursuit of Healthiness online course participant

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This